In coaching, transformation begins from within. Evoking Awareness, ICF Core Competency 7—isn’t about giving answers but about holding space for a client’s inner wisdom to rise. Through presence, curiosity, and thoughtful inquiry, we invite clients to explore the layers beneath their choices, beliefs, and emotions, leading to clarity, alignment, and authentic action, from the inside out.
Read moreInvisible Bridges: Building Trust Without Fixing
Some of the most life-changing moments in building trust in coaching aren’t filled with the perfect question or a dramatic breakthrough. They’re the quiet ones, the ones that whisper, not shout; where deep listening and presence create invisible bridges between coach and client. They happen when we stop reaching, stop steering, and simply be. These are the moments where invisible bridges are built; bridges of trust, presence, and possibility. Let's explore four core coaching reflections, designed to deepen your awareness and elevate your presence as a coach and human being. Because at the heart of it all, who we are is how we coach.
1. Building Trust by Being With, Not Doing To
"To be with someone in silence is to offer them the space to hear themselves more clearly." – Unknown
The power of coaching and presence lies in being with our clients, not doing to them. This means releasing the pressure to perform, solve, or lead. When present, we invite our clients to do the same, cultivating trust and safety in coaching relationships.
ICF Core Competency 2 and 5: Embodies a Coaching Mindset and Maintains Presence invite us to stay grounded, spacious, and emotionally regulated in the client's service, not driven by our discomfort or need to perform. In life and in coaching, when we allow ourselves to simply be, we create more room for authenticity, connection, and clarity.
Refection:
Where might you still feel the urge to "add value" by doing rather than being?
What would it look like to trust the presence you bring, even in silence?
2. How Trust Deepens When We Release the need to help
"Help is the sunny side of control." – Anne Lamott
Fixing erodes trust. It signals to our clients that we may not believe in their capacity to access their own wisdom. Building trust in coaching requires us to release the urge to help or save and instead foster client empowerment and self-leadership.
ICF Core Competency 4, Cultivates Trust and Safety encourages us to co-create an environment where the client feels safe, accepted, and fully capable. As unique individuals and coaches, our well-meaning desire to help can often override the client's pace, power, and process. When we believe and see others, they have the space to expand and begin to believe and trust themselves.
Reflection:
How does your need to help intersect with your identity as a coach or as a caretaker?
What changes when you offer support without needing to "save" or solve?
3. Deep Listening in Coaching: Building Authentic Connection and Presence
"Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals." – J. Isham
As we practice this as coaches, we also become better listeners in our relationships, families, and communities. This is at the heart of embodying the coaching mindset as defined in the ICF Core Competencies.
Deep listening isn't just a skill, it's a way of being. It goes beyond hearing words and moves into sensing energy, emotion, and meaning. It connects us through presence, not performance.
ICF Core Competency 4 and 5 Listens Actively, Maintains Presence calls us to listen beyond the surface, to tone, body language, energy shifts, and deeper meaning. As we practice this as coaches, we also become better listeners in our relationships, families, and communities.
This is at the heart of embodying the coaching mindset as defined in the ICF Core Competencies. It reminds us that listening is the greatest gift we can offer others and ourselves.
Reflection:
When was the last time you truly felt heard, not just 'listened to?
How do you return to listening when distractions (internal or external) arise?
4. Coaching with Neutrality and Detachment: How Letting Go Creates Client Transformation
"Hold your client's potential with open hands, not clenched expectations."
When we let go of what we think should happen, we make room for what can happen. Neutrality is not passivity, it's powerful clarity. Detachment is not indifference; it's compassionate freedom. It allows us to notice and support without holding to an outcome, pace, or pathway.
ICF Core Competency 2 and 5, Embodies a Coaching Mindset and Maintains Presence, ask us to trust the coaching process, not our agenda. Detached involvement invites humility, acceptance, and receptivity. It reminds us that growth looks different for everyone and that our role is to partner, not prescribe. The more grounded we are, the more space we allow for wisdom to whisper and others to rise. This is a key practice for deepening trust and presence in coaching.
Reflection:
In what ways do your hopes for the client's progress impact your neutrality?
How does your presence shift when you practice non-attachment?
Final Thought:
Coaching is not about being the bridge; it's about holding the space where trust, presence, and deep listening can build invisible bridges between coach and client. Let your presence, trust, and listening create the conditions for your clients to discover, lead, and walk themselves.
What do you imagine changing if you detached from outcomes and embraced the unfolding instead?
With presence and possibility,
Marilyn ox
Making Peace with Uncertainty: Three Keys to Navigating Life’s Discomfort →
As humans, we often fill in the blanks, though our ability to truly listen is one of the most powerful skills we can cultivate, both in coaching and life. Not only listening to spoken words, but tuning in to the deeper messages, the underlying emotions, and the untold truths that guide us toward change and growth.
When we listen, fully present, whether to the voice inside ourselves, the person we're speaking with, or the energy in a room, we open ourselves to possibilities that might otherwise be blinded. Listening in this way invites us to ask questions that don't just get to the surface but invite inquiry that creates profound shifts.
Coaches speak often of the power of asking questions. But what makes a question genuinely transformative? It's not about seeking a quick response or resolve. It's about giving the question the time and space to settle within ourselves and those we communicate with.
Below, you'll find three types of questions that lead to lasting change:
1. Questions that Challenge Limiting Beliefs:
These questions gently disrupt the assumptions holding us back. They invite us to question the stories we've been telling ourselves, stories that may have once served us but now limit our true selves and potential. Questions like:
How does holding on to this assumption serve me, and how might it hold me back? or
Who might I become if I chose not to believe this story anymore?
When we ask these questions like these, we invite ourselves and our clients to look beyond the familiar, to see new perspectives, and to recognize the vast possibilities that exist when we free ourselves from limiting beliefs.
2. Questions that Evoke Vision:
These questions shift our focus from problems to possibilities. They help us envision the future in a way that ignites excitement and purpose. Questions like:
If success had no boundaries, how would I define it for myself?
Which aspects of my future am I most passionate about shaping right now?
By asking these questions, we permit ourselves to expand our dreams, to imagine what could be rather than what's been. In this visioning space, change becomes a desire and a driving force that compels us to move forward with more energy, confidence, and purpose.
3. Questions that Uncover Our Truth:
The answers we need are often within us. However, we require the right questions to uncover them. Questions that help explore deeper into our values, motivations, and true desires like:
Where and when do I feel most alive, and how can I bring that energy into other areas of my life?
What fears or self-doubts could be masking my deepest desires?
By listening to the voice within and finding our truth, we gain clarity and insight that guide our decisions and actions moving forward. It's a reminder that change is not about becoming someone else; it's about becoming who we truly are.
When we ask these questions, we're not just seeking answers. We're inviting a process of deep reflection and transformation. The questions catalyze lasting and sustainable change, guiding us toward alignment with our true selves more effortlessly.
Which questions are you asking yourself today that are guiding you toward the person you aspire to become?
So the next time you're coaching, leading, or reflecting on your life, trust that the questions you ask will guide you far more effectively than focusing solely on the answers or outcome.
With Grace,
Marilyn
Does change and the uncertainties in life weight you down? If you’re struggling and would like to learn more about coaching, feel free to schedule a time to meet below.
The Paradox of "Not Knowing"
Embracing Uncertainty
The shift from summer's embrace to the brisk touch of fall reminds me of life's ever-present paradoxes and endless opportunities. The leaves change color with assured certainty yet present unique, unpredictable patterns each day. Similarly, while we can anticipate the seasons, tomorrow's experiences and challenges remain uncertain. This duality of predictability and mystery brings us to the heart of our topic: finding comfort in places of "not knowing."
This intertwining of predictability and mystery leads us to a profound reflection: the empowering nature of embracing "not knowing."
In our solution-driven world, there's surprising strength in admitting, "I don't know." While it sounds counterintuitive, particularly in professions that prize expertise, consider this: our most profound moments of growth and connection lie in gaining comfort and embracing the unknown.
The philosophy of the "beginner's mind," eloquently shared by Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki, captures this essence. It speaks of a mindset unclouded by biases and prior judgments, where possibilities are as vast as the universe.
"In the beginner's mind, there are many possibilities; in the expert's mind there are few."
The International Coach Federation (ICF) also acknowledges the importance of this concept in Core Competency 5.5, emphasizing comfort in spaces of "not knowing," highlighting the power of embracing uncertainty in personal and professional spaces.
So, what potential unfolds when we anchor ourselves in the sanctuary of "not knowing"?
In places of NOT KNOWING, there are no limitations to what is possible. Fresh perspectives emerge, and novel solutions are discovered.
In places of NOT KNOWING, I approach situations with presence. This presence fosters genuine listening and deeper understanding.
In places of NOT KNOWING, my mind is open and receptive. I become more adaptable and willing to learn from every experience.
In places of NOT KNOWING, I release the burden of expertise. Without the weight of expectations, I can navigate situations with a lighter spirit.
In places of NOT KNOWING, I'm free from the confines of past patterns. This freedom allows for spontaneous and creative responses.
In places of NOT KNOWING, I foster a sense of wonder and curiosity. Every moment becomes an opportunity for exploration and discovery.
In places of NOT KNOWING, I am not attached to outcomes. This detachment can lead to greater equanimity and peace when facing challenges.
In places of NOT KNOWING, I welcome collaboration. Recognizing my gaps allows me to seek and value the knowledge and perspectives of others.
In places of NOT KNOWING, I am reminded of the vastness and mystery of existence, cultivating a sense of awe and reverence for life.
In places of NOT KNOWING, I embrace the journey of continuous growth. Rather than resting on past achievements, I aspire to continuously seek, learn, and evolve.
By remaining present and truly opening ourselves in the space of "not knowing," we unlock boundless opportunities and insights. Reflection:
How does "not knowing" resonate with you?
What pressures do you impose on yourself to have all the answers?
What narratives play in your mind when faced with uncertainties?
How might embracing "not knowing" transform your experience of life?
Remember, being in a place of "not knowing" doesn't reflect inadequacy. It's a call to trust in life's journey, welcoming the boundless insights and growth accompanying such trust.
In these ever-evolving times, our shared human experience sparkles the brightest. I invite you to explore the realms of "not knowing" together. I'm here to support you if you want to dive deeper into understanding and embracing this transformative space.
I would love to hear your thoughts.
Connect with me today!
With Love and Possibilities, Always,
Marilyn ox
